My oldest is now 3 months away from being three. We've been potty training for a month and a half. Everyday he's learning a little bit more and getting a little bit better. For us it's just a matter of time and patience. That's not how it started though. Here's our story...
Last July I read up on a three day potty training program. I'm not going to go into the details of it here, but I am a program follower so it was a perfect fit for me. We started July 16 and it went just as outlined. By day three he had no accidents and was telling me when he needed to go potty. It was awesome! I was so happy.
Then day 4,5,6 happened and the accidents started. I wasn't prepared for this. The program told me he'd be potty trained and now I was extracting urine out of my carpet 2 to 5 times a day. Thankfully he still did all his bowel movements in the toilet. Sadly, his inability, lack of desire, or defiant control tactics (he always seemed to wet himself whenever I started spending time with his little sister) got the better of me and I got mad. So much so that our relationship to each other and with the bathroom were becoming very strained to say the least. Finally, two months later I gave up and put him in pull-ups. A month after that I reverted all the way back to diapers. (Thankfully, he continued to have bowel movements in the toilet all the way to November, despite the diaper.) I felt so defeated. But more importantly I felt so ashamed that I got so angry. My lack of something: patience, control, empathy, love, long-suffering... caused a hard thing to become even harder.
January rolled around and I knew it was time to start again. This time had to be different. And the thing that needed to be different was me. My son is a perfect little boy: Full of fun, excitement, wonder, laughter, and love. I didn't want to hurt him or our relationship this time. Happily, I learned a few things in the intermediate months. Like potty training underwear. I bought five pairs of those and I pulled out my cloth diapers, that I had used a year before, for extra coverage during naptime and nighttime. I knew I didn't want to use pull-ups because he already equated those with diapers. I also wanted both of us to know when he went to the bathroom. I just didn't want it to get on the floor. An unexpected bonus is that it is winter so he wears pants and they help catch his urine too, unlike shorts. With all these changes I felt ready to start again.
So we began and it did not go according to the program this time. Day three was just as bad as day one and I started to feel my resolve slipping. So I decided to change my thinking. "I'm not potty training, I'm putting him back into cloth diapers that happen to be underwear and if he goes to the bathroom in the toilet we celebrate. If not, we change him as I normally would." For a week or two my mental and emotional state were good, but his apparent lack of progress was slowly getting to me. So I reverted back to a new program. I tried the "fill him up with liquids so he has to use the bathroom a lot and put him on the toilet every 30 minutes or so"method. To be honest I kind of just pieced together things I had heard. Needless to say it was an utter fail. More miserable than last summer. My remorse overcame me that night after the kids were in bed and I just cried. How wonderful it was to have a husband bear me up that night. He gave me his full support both emotionally and physically, as I was leaning on him as I cried.
The next day we started again with my "I'm not potty training..." method. Yes, obviously I am potty training him. I ask him if he needs to go potty. I help him to the bathroom when he wakes up, before bed, before we leave the house, etc. There are still some tense moments and brewing battles, but if ever I stop feeling patient and loving I step back and remind myself that if he does wet himself I'm just changing his underwear instead of a diaper.
We are a month and a half in and everyday he learns a little more and gets a little better. We are much happier with each other and the bathroom. He continues to be my perfect little boy, full of smiles, laughter and love. And that, for me, is the best part.
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